CHAT ETIQUETTE:

THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF ONLINE CONVERSATION!

Welcome to "Chat Etiquette: The Do's and Don'ts of Online Conversation! Here you will find just about everything dealing with Internet and IRC (Internet Relay Chats) chats. From how to strike up a conversation to defending yourself from people soliciting sexually explicit material. So on with the show! To view a particular subject just click on any of the following in the table of contents.

"I'm just gettin' on for a MINUTE"
by Brandi Yaunt

I got up this morning, but haven't yet dressed.
My dishes aren't done, and my house is a mess.
Have not done my work, have not fed the cat,
Just on line for a second, and popped in to "chat".

I used to watch TV, I used to cook Mex,
I think I remember... yeah, I used to have SEX!
I used to walk upright, now roll on my chair,
Tho' it causes the neighborhood children to stare.

I wanted to travel around on the Net,
Been too busy chatting to get on there yet.
I wanted to spreadsheet, word process, or paint,
But gettin' on with them is just what I ain't!

So much to learn and I wanted to - but
I'm too busy chatting and splitting a gut,
Talkin' and listenin'... is it such a sin?
Oh, gawd, what a fix I have got myself in!

Then up pops a name on my neat Buddy List,
Think I'll go out and give HIS tail a twist!
And in comes an IM from some weirdo guy
I cuss 'im, insult 'im, and tell him "bye bye".

Is there a 12 step, support group, or such?
For those of us folks who chat on too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prolly would be here online!

Are there therapists here? I think I saw some...
It's got me, it's got me, there's no where to run.
It's my new computer, I've had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a "geek".

Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs,
Please help me, please help me, please get me offline!
Or better, please Email a burger and fries,
'Cause I'm staying ONLINE, at least 'til I die!!!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Introduction
2. Choosing The Right Chat
3. Choosing The Right Handle
4. Posting Your Pictures
5. Striking Up The Right Conversation
6. Chat Abbreviations
7. Doing Actions Within The Chat
8. Posting Links and E-Mail
9. Long Distance Relationships
10. Defensive And Offensive Techniques
11. Dealing With <gasp> Cybersex
12. Common Courtesies
13. Final Notes

Introduction

Internet chats are online forums for people to hold discussions, in this age of computer technology, from the comfort of their homes. Similar to a giant party-line phone call, they range in a variety of topics and chat rooms available online.  They also vary considerably in their main discussion topics. The people in these places come from all walks of life and just about all ages too. There’s never a dull moment when in IRC chat.

There are two main types of internet chats. One is the web-based chat room. This particular chat is the main one found on the world wide web and in most national internet providers systems. It is often graphical and people can post pictures in them.  It may be nicely decorated, but it is not real time (messages only come on screen when you click on the “get/send” button to view new messages) and can be very slow.

The other type of chat is the internet relay chat or IRC. This is not on the world wide web, but found directly on IRC servers. It is a text-based chat (no pictures) and is "real time" (all messages immediately come on screen when entered). These two types of chats are the ones new users will have the choice of using and, although very similar in usage and content, the undeniable majority choose IRC, due to it's relative speed and stability.

Choosing The Right Chat

You have now decided to try out a an IRC chat, but you don't know what type of chat room will suit you. This happens to be the first step for first time chatters who are looking for a place to start. First off, you will want to find a chat room that has a topic you may be interested in. It can be gardening, sports card collecting, science-fiction, or whatever tickles your fancy. Sometimes, it's a good idea to try a chat not even related to any of your interests. This can peak your interest in the chat's main topic. However, if a chat is clearly for, say, baseball players, don't join it unless you are a baseball player or at least interested in becoming one.

If you are unsure of where to start you can search the web using one of the many search engines online like Yahoo to find a particular chat room.  Once connected, most IRC chat networks allow you to list channels. One of the very best places for quilters to start is in #QuiltChat on Ascends.Net.

Choosing The Right Handle

To get the right handle or nickname, avoid names that are likely to be common in whatever chat room you are interested in chatting in. You will want to use something very original because there are many chat room users that utilize the same online names, even in different rooms and on different networks. A good nickname shows imagination on your part. If you have an interest in a particular subject, try to find a very subtle way of displaying your name. Only a select few will know what it deals with and it will get people asking questions of you. For example, if you're a quilter and are unsure what to use for a name, be screwy and call yourself "NeedleNabber," or something to that effect. It's a good idea to be creative and, if you have a sense of humor, a really funny name will usually stick out.

Don't go with a name that is just rude, crude, vile, and out-right obnoxious to get attention. People will automatically tag you as a pervert and a troublemaker, especially if you are in a chat that is a general chat area. Don't do this especially if you intend on being in the chat for a long time. You will be ignored, considered a hazard, insulted out of the chat or kicked out by the people or the systems operators overlooking the place.

Once you have found the chat room you're interested in and your preferred nickname, then the fun begins. Some chat room providers (networks), especially the IRC ones, have the users register to use them. This means submitting your name, the name you want to use in the chat, a password, and an e-mail address, usually. Sometimes you may have to give more, but this is the usual information you have to give to use some chats.

Posting Your Pictures

Some web-based Internet chats (not IRC or other text-based chats) have the option of allowing you to post up a picture next to your name. This is kind of a marking or identifying icon for you. It’s a pretty simple process, just find a picture of appropriate size, something small and doesn't take up the entire screen (some chats have a limit on the file size of the picture). Remember, this picture is meant to represent your nickname and/or how you want to be perceived in chat. Of course, you can always post up your very own snapshot of yourself, if you want everyone in the chat to know what you look like. But, be warned -- some chatters will make fun of you because you were nutty enough to post up your own picture. Ignore people who make fun of those who post their own pictures. If you are a female, be especially careful, as pictures can attract stalkers and perverts.

To post your picture, you will need to refer to whatever the chat has for instructions on how to post up your picture next to your name. Many chats have different ways of doing this so, unfortunately, we cannot give you the information here.  Usually it must be uploaded to the web someplace and entered as the whole web address of the picture in http:// format.

Striking Up The Right Conversation

The next step is to join a chat room (channel) and talk to people. It's usually best to listen for a while to get the flavor of what is going on in the chat before you dive in. Giving a nice greeting to everyone is the best way to start.  Tell the ChanOps that you are new to the chat. If that doesn't get the ball rolling, usually it's best to address someone with a polite question. For example, to ask someone a question you may want to use this format to do it and to talk to others the same way:

Most of the time you will get someone's attention just by being pleasant this way. Don't expect everyone to immediately drop everything and concentrate just on you, however.  There are many factors going on in IRC chat, including lag that may cause a delay.  Remember, also, that your new friends don't know you yet either and even experienced chatters can be shy of newcomers. You must make an effort to fit in to an established chat, not the other way around. Don't assume that a lack of response is rudeness. Delays and connection problems may prevent anyone from seeing you or vice versa. If this happens to you, try to connect again, either immediately or later.

Try not to yell, this is where you either type in all capitals or use text editing to increase the font size and bold type of your message.  It is another way of getting another chatter to talk to you, but it is considered to be very rude.

Chat Abbreviations

To cut down on typing, many people have started using abbreviations for various actions and phrases. Many of the abbreviations used in chats have pretty much become universal and a lot have become creatively humorous thanks to many regulars in those chat rooms. The following abbreviations and their meanings are some of the most commonly used out there:

Another thing that was previously mentioned is your text size and appearance. If you choose, you can use text editing to increase the size of your text to catch someone's attention. This can make your messages in bold, italics, or color. By doing this to your messages and not making the text big, you make your messages more unique and personalized. Once again, refer to any instructions a chat room or client has pertaining to text editing.

Doing Actions Within The Chat

Another aspect of chat rooms is being able to do a particular action within the chat. Actions make the chat more fun. They are usually rendered in purple and look like this: * KATHKWILTS laughs her head off!. This is done simply by typing "/me laughs her head off!" or "/action laughs her head off!" or even "/describe laughs her head off!". You can do pretty much anything with an action. From hugging an online friend to giving someone a cyber-beer to drink. You can also use the abbreviations previously mentioned. Actions sure come in handy when you want to give someone a cyber-smooch or a wedgie from the dark depths of the ocean!

Posting Links And E-Mail

If, during a conversation with someone, they happen to ask for your homepage address or e-mail address, you need to know how to post it up. This is not a problem. Considering most Internet chats are very lenient with this, it's very easy to post up an address. In most cases all you have to do in Internet chats is just type out the web site address like this:

With e-mail addresses the format is a bit different:

In some Internet chats you may have to employ full HTML coding to post up a web or mail link. Again you will have to refer to any instructions that the chat has on posting links. With IRC chats, however, just type in the addresse for the person to write down, since IRC chats are text based.

Long Distance Relationships

Ahhhhh, cyber-love. Such a new and wonderful concept!  That is -- until you see the person you're talking to in person! **chuckle**  While chatting away, you may come across someone who happens to have your same interests or tickles your fancy. And, after talking with this person for some time, you may become attracted to them and vice versa. It just might be, what we call in cyberspace, cyber-love.

Many people out there have met their significant others through IRC chat so why shouldn't you? If you are unattached and so inclined, then go for it. There are just a few cautions that you should be aware of, however. Considering that this relationship may be over a very long distance, the chances of you actually meeting the other person face-to-face are almost next to none. But don't let this stop you from keeping in contact with each other. Usually people can keep in contact through chat, email, snail mail, and sometimes even phone calls. And, if you do somehow find a way to meet face-to-face, hey, more power to you! Just keep in mind, however, that things can happen in chat just as they do in real life. An example would be cyber-cheating. Just as the name implies, cheating can happen on a computer just as in real life. And it can hurt just as bad. Also, not everyone on IRC is especially truthful about themselves and their lives.

Be careful when getting into a long distance relationship with someone. It may seem great and wonderful at first, but something unseen just might be lurking under the surface.

Defensive And Offensive Techniques

It is often very easy to misunderstand and to be misunderstood in chat. There are no vocal or visual clues to lend context to what is said. Without these clues, many things that are said innocently or as teasing can be taken as offensive. Your best defense in chat is to make sure you always include a smile or some other way to indicate that you are not being sharp or short or angry.  By the same token, it never pays to be overly sensitive in IRC chat.  If in doubt, always assume the other person is being friendly and/or teasing (at least until you KNOW better).

On occasion you will come across a chatter who will be irate with you for something you said or who is just flat-out in a rotten mood. Usually this will be the result of a disagreement on a particular subject or even something said that was perceived as being derogatory. However, there is a growing number of chatters (usually kids) who just go into rooms to annoy the heck out of other chatters. These people will just pick someone out of the crowd and start insulting them for no apparent reason, other than to make themselves look cool or as if they know everything. Sometimes, it's just to see if they can get kicked or banned (trolling). Whether you purposefully or inadvertently make some chatter angry, you will need to know how to defend yourself or your views against such people.

The best defense is to ignore the offending chatter. Sometimes, this will prompt them to continue to try harder to get you to fight back and you will need to have lots of self-control. But believe me, it is the most effective way of dealing with insulting people. Usually Internet chats will have an ignore list that you can put someone's name onto and you will not see what they say (nor they you) unless you take it off.  In IRC chats, the command is "/ignore <nickname> 3". If notified, IRC chat room operators (ChanOps) will also kick someone out of the room with a warning or ban them from the chat completely.

If you are just dealing with someone who is in disagreement over a comment of yours, you can remedy the situation very cleanly by being polite and asking them why they disagree. Now, if you are in the wrong over your comment, then be cordial and quick to apologize about what was said. These are two ways to effectively diffuse a potential “flame war” between you and other chatters over something very trivial.

Sometimes, when dealing with the perpetrator or perpetrators, it's a good thing to have a quick and reflexive wit or a very good humorous mind. Spur of the moment humorous comments will sometimes shut people up and at other times it will just aggravate them, making the whole situation even worse than before. Don't sink to their level if they use a lot of profanity, very vulgar references, and mama jokes. By matching what they are typing, you're saying to everyone else in the chat room that you are just as rude, crude, and vile as they are and don't have much of an imagination.

Dealing With <gasp> Cybersex

Another problem encountered in many chat rooms (and it happens to be a rampant thing these days) is cybersex. This really is just two or more people typing their fantasies of what they're going to do to the other person. It's very simple, but an offending concept in most chat circles. However, it’s growing in popularity as an alternative to safe sex.

There are a several ways of dealing with someone trying to get you to have cybersex with them. First, a plain and simple "NO" will suffice and a minor threat following it helps too. Second, ignoring them, as shown above, will effectively remove the person from your sight and you from theirs. Third, reporting perverts to the person watching over the chat (ChanOp) is a way to get them removed from the chat.  Fourth, you can engage in this activity of your own free will. However, If you do decide to engage in cybersex, keep it private and make sure it's not against the rules of the chat room you’re in.

Common Courtesies

There are common courtesies to follow when in chats. Following them will put you, in other chatters' eyes, as being cordial, polite, and a nice person. Some of those courtesies are as follows:

1. Don't type all in CAPS.  That's considered shouting on IRC.
2. Be kind to chat room newcomers. These people usually are not sure of what to do and will be a bit unsure of what to say. Be friendly and welcome them into the chat room.
3. Be respectful of other chatters and try not to express your own views or opinions too strenuously.  You are as responsible for making the others' chat experience as pleasant as they are yours. It often pays to listen more than chat.
4. Don't be bossy or monopolize the chat. Don't try to pressure the other chatters to stick to a particular topic or dictate what the others can do or say in the chat.
5. Try not to inundate the chat with sounds or take up a lot of space for long messages or fancy pop-ups. A lot of chatters do not like the screen spinning by with myriad colors and sounds. If you want to post a long message, play lots of wavs or play a large pop-up to another person, either send it privately, if you can, or chop it up into bits. You have to be respectful of other chatters especially if you frequent a chat room regularly.
6. NEVER advertise one chat room or IRC network in another chat room or IRC network. Don't try to persuade the chatters to join you elsewhere.
7. Do not abuse your power if you are a chat room operator (ChanOp) or a very well known regular. Just because you may know more than the others in the chat, it gives you no right to lord your intelligence or popularity over everyone else’s heads.
8. Try not to spy on others you know in different chat rooms. If they mention that they will be engaged in private conversation with someone or another group, please respect their privacy. It’s just like in real life when someone needs to talk to another or others in private.

Final Notes

Chats are fun to be in, especially if they involve a special topic you're interested in or if you're just looking for a nice conversation without all the in-your-face hassle. Just remember how to behave yourself while in them and you'll do just fine. Many people who have not behaved themselves have had other chatters gang up on them like ravenous piranha and deal with them appropriately. Just remember to have fun, enjoy the discussions, and watch out for them 'darn typos!!'

We hope to see you soon in #QuiltChat™ !

[Click HERE for LIVE Chat NOW!!!]

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